I’m 34 weeks and a few days at this point. In the last week I’ve experienced contractions, pains, and almost passing out due to my blood pressure. I met with my OBGYN today and found out I’m in the beginning stages of my body preparing for labor. I rather not expand more on that because this is the Internet and I rather keep that information private lol.
My doctor thinks I’ll deliver early, around 37-38 weeks. Talk about moving up my time line. I’ve had a gut feeling for weeks now that I wouldn’t make it 40 weeks. Maybe it was wishful thinking or a mother’s intuition.
The process of growing a baby inside you and then bringing a new life into the world is not for the faint of heart. It’s been a struggle the whole time for me on multiple levels. Physically I am uncomfortable, in pain, and having contractions on and off.
I’m going between the extremes of excitement that my son is almost here, I won’t be pregnant anymore, a new chapter is about to begin, and I can start getting back to rehabbing our home and on the flip side feeling completely unprepared or equipped to raise another little one. Are we ever prepared though?
Mothering is a vocation. My friend reminded me recently that vocations aren’t easy. They aren’t supposed to be. The vocation to motherhood is extremely demanding, challenges us to grow and adapt. If done right, it brings us to the end of ourselves because we selflessly give everything we have to raising our children. Motherhood is beautiful. It’s sacrificial.
I’m incredibly grateful to become a mom again and don’t feel worthy of the honor. It has been a struggle to get pregnant and hold a pregnancy. We’ve had 5 miscarriages, so having our third child here on earth with us is a miracle. So while I’m grateful and humbled, I’m also exhausted and dragging myself across the finish line.
Matt has been my rock throughout this pregnancy (and every other pregnancy). While he isn’t here today due to a work engagement, I can look back on his encouraging words to lift my spirits and help me focus on the joy that is to come in just a few short weeks. Matt wrote a blog post a few years ago about motherhood that brought me to tears. I hope they encourage you and meet you where you’re at in this crazy journey called motherhood.
“Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.
Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, ‘hey, it’s just the sun.'” – Matt Walsh